Yesterday, I was asked by a Well Meaning Stranger (WMS) when I am going to put Tiger in child care.
It's not the first time I've been asked this. It seems to be a common assumption these days that mums will return to work at some stage, often before their little ones have started school. I always have to consider my answer carefully. You never know exactly what the questioner's own circumstances might have been; whether they put their own child in care or not. I usually say "I don't plan to put Tiger in child care, but I fully support mothers who do! I'm just not qualified at any job that would cover the child care fees!"
It's part of the truth. My wages in former jobs as a bookseller and barista probably wouldn't justify the cost of putting her in care.
Usually, people leave it at that - they take my answer as being the whole truth and they move on to asking me whether Tiger is on solids and if she's walking yet.
But yesterday, the WMS took it further. "Don't you think that's a bit selfish?" she (why is it always a "she"?), asked.
I have to admit I was a bit gobsmacked. Selfish? How was my decision to be a full-time parent a selfish one?*
"I mean, keeping her all to yourself? Preventing her from interacting with other kids?"
Now I was speechless. Floored. Because I had no answer for that one. I'd really not considered that angle before. And, I have to admit, the whole truth of why I want to parent Tiger full-time IS a selfish one. I miss her when I'm away from her even half an hour. Whole days? Unthinkable.
But am I damaging her by making that selfish decision? SHOULD she be interacting more with other kids, and developing independence away from me?
What do you think? Was the WMS right? AM I selfish?
~ Love, Miss Cackle x
* I am not in any way suggesting here that being a working mum or dad is selfish either. As I always say, you do what works best for your family. I was put in child care at a young age, my husband was not. Neither of us suffered from this. I loved day care (we were allowed to eat small packets of chips and play Alex Kidd - win!). My husband loved making honey with his mum. Both alternatives work!
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