Acceptance

Something that has happened that is Kind Of A Big Deal for me.

Yesterday afternoon, I looked in the mirror. It's something I don't actually get to do all that often these days - looking after Tiger takes precedence over looking after my appearance. 

Not that I ever really spent that much time on my appearance. I was always the girl who'd chuck on some clothes, slick on some lipgloss and a bit of mascara and declare, "I'm done," hours before any of my friends put down their hair-straighteners. But, since Tiger, I'm often halfway down the street before the thought hits me, "Did I wash my face today or do I still have yesterday's mascara halfway down my cheeks?" (yep, I'm bad at cleaning my makeup off, too).

But yesterday I had to take Tiger for a checkup and I always make sure to check my appearance before I leave for anything baby-related, just so the doctor doesn't clock me as an obvious Deranged Person and call in Child Services.

So anyway, it was during this rare mirror-check, that it happened.

Or, rather, the inner voice spoke.

And, for the first time in my life, it said this:

"I like you, wonky nose. I like you, alien eyes. I like you, little double chin". 

Up  until this point, I'd always been nonplussed about my appearance. I'm not beautiful. I'm not particularly elegant or striking or even all that interesting-looking. Sometimes this fact got me down but, mostly, I just consoled myself that I'm a good person and Daddy Bear loves me, so what do I care if I'm not Scarlett Johanssen?

But, now ... maybe it's because I see pieces of me reflected in Tiger, or maybe it's just because I'm getting old, but I suddenly don't wish to look any other way. I may not be a blonde beauty but there are enough of those, anyway. I'll stick to being me, because there is only one person in the world who gets to be Tiger's mum. 

And, you know what? She loves my face. She loves stroking it, nuzzling it, staring at it. She thinks I look okay.

And now, I do too. 

And it's a lovely feeling.

~ Love, Miss Cackle x