On International Women's Day

I think the reason so many women today say, "I'm not a feminist," is that there is now so much confusion about what "a feminist" actually is.

There are connotations about "man-hating".

There is the image of a bra-rejecting, makeup-free, masculine woman, trying to emulate a man in order to get ahead, and rejecting all her feminine qualities in the process.

There is the suggestion that much of the stress experienced by today's women is actually caused by the feminist goal of "having it all". Life was simpler before the feminists came and decreed we should be domestic-and-career-superheros, right?


I have to admit, I'm one of those women who, in the past, has used the phrase, "I'm not a feminist, but ..."


And the reason is this: I got married young. I never aspired to be a high-flying career woman. I don't have it in me. I may not be a girly girl, but I do like me a bit of red lipstick on the odd occasion. I may have always wanted to be a mum but, once I became one, she became the number one most important thing in my life. I love being a mother. I love being a stay-at-home mother. It's the best job I've ever had.


So I can't be a feminist, right?

Except ...

It's my choice to be a stay-at-home mum. Before Tiger, it was my choice to work.

It was my choice to go to university. I am allowed to vote. I am allowed to wear pants (thank heavens. I bloody hate dresses).

And, now I am a mum, I am thoroughly, thoroughly glad that feminism exists. Because I want her to have choices.

If she wants, like me, to be a mum, she can do it and good on her - this may be a "traditional female role", but it's an awesome, empowering one, and one only women can fulfil - could there be anything more "feminist" than that?

Conversely, if she wants to be a CEO or a lawyer or a doctor, or the fish-fingering Prime-Actual-Minister, yep, she can do that too!


I am sorry, now I have a daughter, that I ever said, "I'm not a feminist". I am, because I want her to live the awesomest life possible. Wearing pants, Getting dirty. Riding horses, breaking glass ceilings, changing the world ...


Or, quietly, changing one little person's world as a mother.

Whatever she wants. Whatever she chooses. Because that's why I do now say I'm a feminist. Because feminism gave us choice.


And choice is an exceedingly lovely thing.

~ Love, Miss Cackle x

Short Attention Spa ...

Over the past little while, I have noticed something about my Tiger.

Sadly, it is something she has inherited from her Cackle Mummy. See, our Tiger, like I do, has a very short attention spa ... Oh, look is that a sparrow in the ... Gee I feel like a chocolate ... Have you seen my ...

You get the picture.

Tiger is a little person with extreme focus, drive and determination, until she perfects something or tires of it. And then it's on to the next thing like a ... something ... that moves on to the next ... something ... quickly.

Rolling? Yep, we can do that. Next? Sitting? Oh yeah, I did that last week. Bored of that. What else you got for me? Crawling! Pah! I'm soooo over that!

THOSE rusks? Are you KIDDING ME? They are SO YESTERDAY?

THAT toy? You expect me to play with the same thing TWICE IN ONE DAY? Gee Whillackers you are SO BEHIND THE TIMES, Cackle Mummy.

Does anybody else have a baby with an attention span of a gnat? I'd love to hear about it if you do. In the meantime I'm off to ...

Something.

Something lovely, I hope!

~ Love, Miss Cackle x

On Yummy Mummies

When do I get to be a yummy mummy?

Over the weekend, Tiger and I went to an engagement party for a dear friend. Also in attendance were several other school friends, the same age as I am, with little ones of a similar vintage to Tiger.

They were all immaculately turned out, with fancy dresses, impeccable makeup, hair that looked like it belonged in Pantene commercials.

Their babies were dressed in what looked like Laura Ashley and had clean faces and beatific smiles.

My baby had dirt on her face and rusk on her trousers and drool from here to Christmas.

And I ...

I'm pretty sure I had rusk on me too. And the distinct whiff of baby vomit after a small Tiger Incident. I was in mismatched, ill-fitting clothes (after finding that NOTHING FIT that morning. NOTHING). My hair is in dire need of a cut. I did my makeup in approximately five seconds, in the half-dark, before running out the door.

Now, before I go on, I want to say two things:

1. I like my baby having dirt on her face and rusk on her trousers. And, by the way, also HORSE HAIR on all of her clothes because she was riding a horse before the party. Yes that IS just how she rolls.
2. This post is not a trawl-for-compliments. I'm not writing it so you'll say, "Oh, but WE think you are beautiful, Cackle Mummy". I just take it for granted my friends think that about me, as I do about them. I think ALL of my friends are the most amazingly gorgeous people on the planet. We are one big "no YOU'RE beautiful" loveathon. None of that is in question. This isn't about beauty. It's about yumminess. And yumminess is ...

• Awesome makeup
• Designer clothes
• Super sleek hair
• No bags under eyes
• No vomit on clothes
• No dirt anywhere in the vicinity of baby. 

On all of these points, I fail. Most days, I leave the house and am halfway up the road before I have the horrible thought, "Did I check the mirror before I left, or at any point today?"

Usually, the answer is "no". Usually, I have no idea what my hair is doing, or if I have banana on my face or any kind of baby bodily secretion on my clothes. And I'm pretty sure this laissez faire attitude towards grooming is acceptable when one is the mum of a one-month-old, but Tiger is NEARLY TEN MONTHS and I still look, in the words of Grandma V, like I've been dragged through a blackberry bush backwards.

When do I get to start looking like Elle Macpherson, dressed for school pickup in designer skinny jeans and sexy boots?

When do I get to NOT look like a homeless person, upon whom child services may be called at any moment?

And, most puzzlingly, WHY DID ALL OF THE OTHER GIRLS LOOK LIKE MODELS WHEN I LOOK LIKE A LESS WELL-GROOMED YAHOO SERIOUS?

What do they have that I don't?

And why, oh WHY do I even care?

Because, the thing is, Tiger doesn't. She thinks I'm awesome at one in the morning when my hair resembles a pomeranian who's been stuck in a wind tunnel for the past six months.

And that should be enough, right?

Because, until she's a teenager and thinks everything I do is utterly mortifying, she thinks I'm a yummy mummy just as I am.

And stuff it. That IS enough. That's just lovely.*

~ Love, Miss Cackle x

* But one day I would like to wake up looking like Elle Macpherson just a little bit. Or at least have her boots.

“Libraries are our friends”

“A library is a good place to go when you feel unhappy, for there, in a book, you may find encouragement and comfort. A library is a good place to go when you feel bewildered or undecided, for there, in a book, you may have your question answered. Books are good company, in sad times and happy times, for books are people - people who have managed to stay alive by hiding between the covers of a book.”- EB White

Forget sitting up or crawling.

Pish to standing or talking.

Bah to running and climbing.

Today, Tiger achieved the greatest milestone in her little life so far.

Today, my Tiger got her very first library card. With her very own little name printed on it, and a loan limit, and even permission to use the internet (Mummy says NO, until she is at least thirty four).

Tomorrow, we will go and borrow our first ever book.

I am unspeakably proud.

“Libraries are our friends.” - Neil Gaiman

Today, I introduced Tiger to one of the greatest friends she will ever know. Her life, from now on, will be a whole new kind of lovely.

~ Love, Miss Cackle x

Paperback Writer

Only a short post today. I'm in Writer Mode.

This differs from Mummy Mode in that there is less banana and vomit, and more typing. Otherwise it's pretty much the same. It's all to do with joy and imagination.

Having Tiger has done wonders for my imagination. I'm so inspired by her and her funny ways. I imagine her often as she grows up and the adventures she will have in life, and these imaginings turn themselves into stories. 

At present, I'm editing my second manuscript since having Tiger - that's two full-length novels in nine months. I have also edited three pre-existing manuscripts since she was born. 

I know it sounds like boasting. I also know that, one day very soon, I am probably going to hit a big fat brick wall (probably with a sign spelling "Toddler" painted across it).

But, for now, Writing Mode and Mummy Mode seem perfectly compatible. And I hope that, one day in the future, Tiger will read the things I am writing now and know they are infused with all the little moments of her existence. I hope she knows that she is present in every word I type.

Before I had Tiger, writing was my greatest love. Now it is still so very important to me, but it is number two.

Luckily, my number one and my number two get along famously.

~ Love, Miss Cackle x

BFF Babies

Oh what a lovely day we had at my friend Auntie C's engagement party! Tiger and I caught with the very best of girls and their very best babies. It's hard to decide which of them was the awesomest:

• BFF JA with his laid-back cool in his super-hip legionnaire's hat 
• BFF SJ - tiny little precious porcelain doll with eyes that make you want to cry, or
• BFF JC - super serious little thinker man. I just know he's going to grow up to be a hipster reading Vonnegut in a cafe. 

BFF SJ is going to grow up to be just as kind and beautiful as her mum. She'll be like Snow White, followed everywhere by a group of forest animals and beloved by all. 

BFF JA will be a surfer dude, charming the ladies with a smirk and a sneaky wink.

And they will all be best friends forever, just like their mummies. 

And which one will Tiger fall in love with and live happily ever after? Only time will tell.

For today, she was too busy eating her shoe, grass, dirt and Mummy (and TRYING to eat BFF SJ's hand - it was a touching hand-holding moment until then). But she was very curious about her new BFFs. I could tell she was working out how to factor them in to her plans for world domination.

I can't wait to see them all grow up together. 

How utterly lovely will it be???

~ Love, Miss Cackle x

The Very Best Of Friends

Today, I am taking Tiger up to see my Very Best Friends in the whole wide world. The occasion is the engagement of one of the very loveliest people I know, someone I have been friends with for around eighteen years (jeepers). I am thrilled to bits she has found an equally lovely person to be her Forever Person.

I am also thrilled I get an excuse to hang out with the very best girls there are, and that they all now have little ones to be Very Best Friends with Tiger.

I am so excited, I can't even think what else to blog. I'll tell you all about it tomorrow. For now, as a representation of my elation, I leave you with this: