This morning, HB got up to feed Tiger.
This morning, he played with Tiger and she napped on him and it was HB who sang to her and hugged her and stroked her fuzzy head.
This morning, I couldn't get out of bed.
The lurgy finally won. My ability to cope and function completely shut down and I literally could not move.
But I couldn't sleep either. I kept thinking about my tiny girl and wishing I was with her. I couldn't feel right again until I was. And maybe that's a problem,but it's one I don't know how to fix.
And so now?
Now, Tiger is napping on me again, doing her little snuffle-snores and wiggles, and I feel whole. And HB is taking care of the mundane stuff - dishwasher and bottles and washing and lunch and coffee. And it might be more sensible for me to be in bed, but with Tiger is where I'm meant to be.
Amongst everything that seems hard and wrong and tiring and sad right now, she is the magic. When she woke up, earlier, on Daddy Bear, she looked over at me and she smiled and I knew nothing could really be bad as long as there was that smile in the world. And those little feet and even the scratch she has on her nose from her fish-fingersing fingernails that, despite being cut and filed every day STILL MAKE THE SCRATCHIES!!!
My girl, in her completely-inappropriate-outfit-chosen-by-Daddy and her funny, mad little laugh, and her zombie noises and her hands that look like she's hula dancing, and which fascinate her so much right now ("These THINGS ... What ARE THEY? Are they MINE???? HOW DO THEY MOVE???").
My girl, who rolled twice in a row this morning and looked so gosh-darned shocked and proud.
She is magic. And gah. Yes. I am still sick, but I'm happy too.Because now, after the very generous rest that HB allowed me, I feel up to sitting with her, and stroking her head, and holding her little feet. I feel ... not well, but whole. Content. Like the world is a bit more right.
I adore my girl. She is all of the lovely and every bit of the magic and I am the luckiest.
~ Love, Miss Cackle x
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